A wonderful thing happened to me the other day. I gave someone $10. I pretty much never tell anyone when I give to charity. It just makes me feel better when I give in private -- I believe there's something about that in the Bible, too, about giving when no one sees you. I've given to many a homeless person on the street -- sometimes when I've been walking or sometimes at an intersection when they come up to my window -- mainly if they seem to really need it (no Jordans on their feet!) and don't have alcohol on their breath. I don't do it every time but more times than I can remember, I've given a dollar or two.
But this was different.
Lately, I had been feeling like I was losing touch with God. I had also been feeling like nothing good was happening to me and everything seemed so tough -- relationships with family and friends, selling my homes in DC, my hair had been falling out like crazy, and everything was stressing me. I hadn't been giving my time to prayer and meditation and had become obsessed with finding a new house for us and selling off some of my other properties in DC. I was getting discouraged because in a sluggish market that's supposed to belong to the buyer's right now, we had put 3 offers on houses and didn't get a contract yet. All three were houses we would've loved to live in but it just seemed that nothing was working out. I began to feel like God was mad at me for not giving him the time and attention he deserves -- although I could never give Him enough and certainly as much as He deserves!
Since I gave my life to Christ in 1996, I always felt God's hand on me. Things seemed to come to me so easily -- opportunities, jobs, the increase and prosperity. I'd always had friends and people around who loved me and wanted to spend time with me. But lately, I'd become discouraged increasingly negative and on Tuesday morning, after we lost another house we'd made an offer on. I told Hubby that I needed to get my spirit right because I was feeling disconnected from God. Like His favor wasn't there the way it used to be. Things had been so challenging for the last several months and nothing seemed to be falling into place.
After Hubby went to work, I was cleaning up and getting ready for the day and just dropped to my knees by the bed and prayed.... hard. I asked God for direction and wisdom. I told Him, I knew it was His will that we didn't get the last house or the houses we'd bid on before, and I asked Him to give me a clear sign when the house He did want for us came along. "Let me be able to know that it's what You want for us and where You want us to be."
Well, on Tuesday afternoon, I happened to be doing my usual online house search and by accident, a home popped up in an area that we'd not even considered. It was priced alittle higher than our price range, but looked really nice in the photos. I sent the listing to our realtor and asked him about it. He said it's a good area and that he could show it to us on Thursday evening. Later that day the hubby and I drove out to the area and checked it out. We were really digging it, but what were the chances the sellers would come down on the price to our limit?
On Wednesday, the hubby found out he was going to Australia for work and had to leave Friday night. Therefore, the rest of the week was going to require that he work late to finish the work on the current project. When Thursday rolled around, he tried, but was unable to get off early enough from work to come with me to see the house.
Before I even walked in, our realtor said, "[Hubby] would love this." And when I entered, I knew he was right. And I loved it too. I took tons of photos, but as I went around I realized this house had everything we really needed and a lot of nice-to-haves that we didn't expect... more than we asked for. My first sign was that the previous owners had left some beautiful Asian artwork on the wall when you first enter. Well, if you didn't know, I'm half Asian. I collect a lot of Asian home furnishings too, so of course I was feeling it. The second sign was that the house was painted in the colors I had wanted to decorate my next home in, and we would have very little editing of colors to do. This included ALL the rooms - even the master bath and bedroom.
Next I went upstairs. A symbol that has been permeating my life for the last couple years that I feel represents the hubby and I are palm trees. I love them. They make me feel at peace and remind me of vacation (see entry on wanting to live near a body of water) and how much we love to travel, which has been a passion of both Hubby and mine for years. He and I have traveled almost exclusively to tropical places in the last 2 years - we met in Vegas, cruised in the Bahamas, the Virgin Islands, Hawaii, and our honeymoon was in Thailand. For our wedding, the symbol we used on our invitations, gifts and souvenirs was a pair of palm trees, and we had 20 palm trees brought in for our rehearsal dinner and palm trees surrounded our ceremony and reception on the beach in Alabama.
Well, would you believe I walk into the bonus room upstairs and there are two floor-to-ceiling palm trees painted on the walls along with a mural of the world map? I know that couldn't be anything but GOD. That was Thursday evening.
Fast forward less than 24 hours later. On Friday, around 6pm, just after the hubby left for the airport, we were officially under contract for the house at $5,000 UNDER our price limit. More than we asked for! God is amazing.
The next day is when I ran into this man at the post office. He was terribly smelly and in need of a bath, clothing and as I would find out later, food. He was also a bit mentally and physically handicapped -- perhaps a victim of a stroke. He came in as I was standing in line and loudly yelled, "Good afternoon". I quietly said, "Hi," but he repeated himself boldly even with his slurred speech..."GOOD AFTERNOON!" Finally, everyone turned and looked at him and the postal workers behind the counter looked up and said, "May we help you, sir?" The man then asked, "Anything I can do for a few dollars? Can I do some work or something?" And he was answered with a resounding, "No, not today." Perhaps this man has done this before, I thought. He went on his way and left.
I next went to the nearby grocery store for a few things. When I walked in the gourmet food area, I see the same man sitting on a motorized wheelchair-cart staring into the glass case where the hot food (fried chicken, mashed potatoes, mac-n-cheese, etc.) is. He was just staring... longingly staring. I pretended to look at some cheeses in the nearby cold case but watched out of the corner of my eye as the man from behind the counter came over and put on his plastic gloves, opened the case and took out a hot chicken wing. He then walked around to the man and handed it to him. The man devoured it.
Wow, I thought. That worker probably only makes a bit more than minimum wage and just risked his job to give a hungry man a chicken wing. Had a supervisor seen him, he'd probably be in deep trouble. I immediately looked in my wallet to find that the smallest bill I had was a $10. Oh well, I thought... maybe I'll get change after I buy my groceries and see if he's still around. So I walked on.
I then walked through the little Starbucks Coffee stand which was there inside the store and a beautiful silver holiday mug caught my eye. I turned it over. $8.95. I started to put it in my basket, and thought, "What the hell am I doing?" I can put a mug that would cost $10 with tax in my basket, but I can't give a hungry man money because I don't have smaller bills? AND my husband and I were just blessed with a new home worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, and God still gave us the gift and ability to carry my other mortgages for my houses in Maryland and Virginia until thye sell. Where is my heart? Where are my priorities? What is wrong with me?
I immediately put the mug back on the shelf and turned on my heels to head back to that man in the hot foot section, and if I didn't find him there, I was going to hunt him down. He was still there and I marched right up to him and said, "Sir?" and he turned to me, and I just handed him the $10 bill and without thinking said, "God blessed you." And with the most sincerity, he looked right into my eyes and said, "Thank you." In actuality, God blessed me right then. More than I asked for.
The next day, I found a church I absolutely love where I think I will really feel at home, and it's not far from the new house. Then I went to lunch with a new friend in Atlanta -- two things I had been praying SO hard for! We go to settlement on the house next week -- just two weeks after first seeing it! This week, the sellers are fixing all the things we asked them to fix after the home was inspected. More than we asked for.
What I learned (and really already knew) and what I believe...
- Changing the world starts with one small random act of kindness.
- Whatever you give with a pure heart, will come back to you ten or even a hundred-fold. And if ask for anything in His name, He hears you. Maybe not in the time that you want it, but when the time is right, He'll answer.
- Stay in His favor and keep the faith through the rough spots, and He will give you more than you ask for.
Thank you, God. Thank you, God. Thank you, God.
SIGH. Some days I want to have kids. Some days I'm not so sure. I turn 35 this month: the age at which you become "at risk" for problems with giving birth according to the GYN's. We haven't even been married for a year but everyone's bugging us about having babies. I guess I have a combination of issues that make me unsure about having kids.
