Heffa, Say What?!?!

As I'm still on this theme of friendships and rationalizing how selfish people can be, my sister has asked me for a guest list for our engagement/farewell/bridal shower party she's throwing me and Mr. Hi-Fi before the migration to ATL. So, I'm going through my contacts list and come across those few people who I feel I don't really want to invite but it's kinda political and would be awkward if I don't. But who cares cuz I'm moving away, right? RIGHT! For the most part, I throw out all the names except for two... I have history with them. We had some good times. They've been there for me back in the day. But for whatever reason they did things that hurt me. Maybe not intentionally, but they hurt me. And after I expressed my hurt, they did it again. So I distanced myself and only speak to them once in a blue moon. I rationalized it by saying, "Well, she is just a very flirtatious, touchy-feely person and maybe she wasn't consciously thinking that she was flirting with my man," and, "Well, she was going through her own thing and just needed time to herself, so she probably doesn't mean to be sometimey or cut me off like that (then come back when she needs something)." So maybe I should invite them... Hmmmm.... I'm a punk, right?

How many chances do you give someone before you write them off completely? The Bible says to forgive 70 x 7 times. Shooooot. That's being called a fool, ain't it? And then there's the thing where I can forgive but not give them the opportunity to hurt me again... but that to me is not true forgiveness if you don't allow yourself to be vulnerable again. Well, anyway as I struggle with the decision to invite, or not invite, I thought I'd share this poem I wrote on an occasion with one of these "friends" hurt me. See what you think... would you forgive?

Heffa Say What?!?!
© October 28, 2005

It was raining like mad,
He dropped me off at the front door
Then came in a few minutes later
As drool from her lips hit the floor.

As he walked up and took my hand
she said, “I’d do him anytime, any day”
And then looked at me as if waiting
For whatever it was I had to say.

With daring in her eyes
She looked right in my face
And I turned toward her
And lessened our in-between space.

I wanted to say “Hold up,
don’t make me have to kick your butt,”
But all I could think to say was
Heffa Say What?

My girl told me one day
“I have a confession I’m making”
But what she should’ve said is,
“I have an obsession with taking.”

It seems she accidentally tripped
And fell on my man’s chest
Said she was just playing
And didn’t mean to be all on his breasts.

Said they were tight and hard
But it didn’t mean nothin’,
So MY chest got swole and tight
And I started huffin’ and puffin’.

So with fire in my eyes
And daggers on my lips,
I calmly watched her sashay away,
And she playful switched her hips.

I wanted to send her
Ever so quickly down south
With a nice, firm,
open-handed slap in the mouth.

But I’m a Christian
And that wouldn’t be the Godly thing to do
But what I said wasn’t enough
And I can’t be made out to be no fool.

I wanted to say
Watch out now, Don’t get cut
But the shock only left me with the words:
Heffa Say What?

She giggled like I was joking
And it was no big deal
Little did she know
My feelings weren’t about to heal.

I shoulda cold-cocked her in the jaw
or punched her in the gut,
But all I could think to say was
Heffa Say What?

This wasn’t the first time she did this,
And I knew she knew better,
So I had to accept the fact,
That who I called “friend” was indeed a heffa.

What I did perhaps wasn’t tough,
And what I said may have seemed weak
But to this day I’m thankful
That I’m still in one piece.

Cuz women can be violent,
Nasty and mean,
But I still got my dignity and my man,
And my self esteem.

I’ve realized people will diss you,
And respect is not a rule,
And you can’t always be the one
To take folks to school.

So if your ego gets bruised
By some skanky ole mutt,
Just remember don’t get mad at yourself,
If all you can say is Heffa Say what?!?!?!