Are People Inherently... Selfish?

I've always believed that people are inherently good. I've always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt. I've made excuses for people who've done me wrong. I treat people the way I would want to be treated. AND I've been taken advantage of.

This should be the happiest time of my life. I'm engaged to be married, I have new adventures with Hi-Fi and the fun of designing a new home in a new place to look forward to. I am successful in my career and I have a loving family and loving friends... well... a few friends. As I get older, it seems that the people I can call "friend" are fewer and fewer. In a few weeks I will leave the DC area, which is where I've lived my entire adult life. It's alittle scary - picking up and moving to another state where I have only a couple friends. My saving grace is that my future husband will be there for me. But we all need friends -- preferably more than just one.

Today, what saddens me is that my sister has to come from halfway around the world - London - to give me a farewell/engagement/bridal shower party. True, she is my maid of honor and my only bridesmaid in my wedding, and that's what maids of honor do; but all my "friends" know she doesn't live here. Only one friend suggested she'd like to give me an engagement party back in February but I guess I didn't push it because I didn't want that financial burden on her. She and my other closest friend did take us to dinner, though, and I'm thankful for that. But where is everyone else? Where are all my girls to be happy for me? To go with me to try on gowns? To consult with on invitations and jewelry? To help me make those important wedding decisions? To help me pack my stuff as I get ready to move? To be sad and tell me they wished I weren't moving and they'll miss me?

I've always been a friend as best as I can. I'm there for people. I listen and I advise (when asked). I share my knowledge, my food, my home, my money. I've painted rooms, helped clean, given free design work, and treated to dinner when someone's pockets were tight. I send cards or gifts even when I never received one from them. I give rides and do favors and almost never ask for anything in return - and definitely nothing that would inconvenience someone. So, in my time of nervousness and excitement with a looming move and upcoming marriage, where are those who are supposed to be there to bolster me, love me, encourage me?

I dunno. You tell me.

I know people are busy and everybody's got their own "stuff" but are people so self-centered that they can't take the time to make a phone call or reach out to me? Do they think, "Oh, she's leaving DC, so I don't have to invest in that friendship anymore,"?

I've gotten to the point where I don't think people are so inherently good anymore. I'm starting to believe people are inherently selfish and all they care about is what they can get from you. I'm tired of getting phone calls only when someone needs something. How about returning my calls when I just want to see how you're doing? Or how about just calling me to see how I'm doing?

SIGH.

Well, nobody likes a pity party - especially me. I just really wonder: What happened to being a friend for the sake of friendship? What happened to being happy for the blessings of your friends instead of being jealous that you don't have what they have? What happened to caring and being there for someone? Is it this crazy money-hungry DC area that breeds this selfish way of life? Is it the commercialism and idea that "whoever has the most toys wins" and that we're all in some sort of competition to get to the finish line first? Is it all about how we were reared by our parents? Too many questions to answer that leave me wondering on that ole saying...

"A friend in need is a friend indeed." But there is also a Latin proverb that says, "If you always live with those who are lame, you will yourself learn to limp." I refuse to limp.