Reinventing Myself

I feel like I've been in a bit of a rut lately. I don't know if it's just being on the edge of depression from all the issues I've been having: having a house for sale for 1.5+ years, health and hormone problems, family issues, work pressures, having a husband who is perpetually traveling therefore making me feel alone a lot of the time, and just the general stresses of dealing with daily life. I feel like I never have enough time in the day and am always behind.

I realize some of this is self-inflicted, and I probably worry more than I should. I've always said there is no point in worrying about things you cannot control, but I've never felt so out of control in my life. I've had hardships and dealt with problems before -- practically all of the same ones at one time or another. Just never ALL at the SAME TIME. I am holding it together but sometimes I feel it's just by a string that could snap at any time.

I'm sure I'm not alone, and everyone -- every woman, especially women who own/run their own business, and like me, run several businesses -- go through periods where they feel they can just barely hold on. I realize that things could be much worse, and that I am blessed beyond what I deserve: I have a comfortable home, a loving husband and family, great friends, and I have never wanted for anything I need. I have always felt God's favor in my life, but lately I feel somewhat disconnected. I feel He's trying to speak to me, but there's so much "stuff" in my head that it keeps me from hearing Him clearly. The frustration that comes with it only snowballs with the stress and confusion.

I know that God always steps in right on time, as He's proven that over and over in my life. I did actually sell two real estate properties just before this current "crash". We did resolve the recent family issues . He blessed my husband with a much better, higher paying job that the one he was laid off from. [Hubby is so happy there!] While some of my businesses are doing terrible, one is thriving. I got through surgery and a blood transfusion was pretty back to normally within about 48 hours after hemorraging for 10 days and feeling like I was going to die. I really have nothing to complain about. I've just gotta work through this time, and get rid of the negativity in my mind, and get my spirit back in line so I can hear God's whispers.

So, I've decided to work on ME right now. I've decided it's time to reinvent myself, in a matter of speaking. Actually, it's more like getting back to the real me. I've done it before when I've become out of sorts, and I think it's one of those periods when God is trying to move me into a new chapter of my life. I can always feel it coming now.

I've floundered with whether or not to finish a second degree I started in a new industry. I feel sometimes that graphic design is not where I want to or should be. I wonder sometimes if I'm doing all I can to help people, to help the earth, to be a good friend and wife and daughter and sister. I can't help but always think I need to do more, better, faster. All of these thoughts have lodged in my subconscious and make me doubt myself. So, it's time I figure it all out.

Where do I start? I'm reading more, meditating and praying more, and listening more and not talk so much. I'm trying to stay focused and not let stress and anger run me crazy when things don't go my way. I'm not watching the news so much with all the depressing stock market and economic fall-out going on. I'm trying to find things that make me laugh more, and I find I can talk to my dog and he smiles at me. I'm exploring universities in the area to see how I feel about finishing up this second BA in Interior Design. It's not the answer, but it's a start.

With this reinvention, I've decided to rename my Blog. So this is me... Today. I'll keep you posted on who I am tomorrow... or the next day. Or whenever I get back to ya'll. If you're feeling me on this thing, please let me know how you're coping or what you did to reinvent you. PB&J.